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The audio interview of this transcript is available here.

David Tulk is a lovable comedian – which is a surprise, because his comedy is antagonistic, biting and sometimes plain rude. And yet, his audience still buys him beers after the show.

In this School of Hard Knock Knocks podcast interview, David Tulk talks about how he got into stand-up comedy, getting gigs on stage and screen, and how being a little chubby has helped his career.

Morry: Good afternoon, David Tulk, how are you?

David: I’m very good, thank you Morry, how are you?

Morry: I’m recovered. The last time I saw you was in the smoking lounge of the Exford Hotel, and you were doing your best, you were having a good old puff. I think I took about a month after that, this was during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, to recover. It was exhausting. How did you recover?

David: Mate, I bounced back the next day. I’m used to it, I’m a seasoned professional. And a seasoned alcoholic so my recovery time’s … in fact, what I do normally is just through it-

Morry: Yeah, right.

David: … And just carry on. So when you left me there that night and you saw me a couple days later, I hadn’t been anywhere, I’d just been there. And that’s why I smelt kind of odd.

Morry: Yeah.

David: It’s a smell of success, I think that’s the one thing people like about it when they smell me and they’re like, ‘Wow, that guy’s got it all well and on. Look at him, he smells like bourbon. He’s made it.’

David: Just bourbon.

Morry: Yeah, right? Bourbon and some other sweet smelling herbs.

David: It was about 15 years ago and it was my ex-girlfriend, she wasn’t my ex-girlfriend at the time, she was my actual girlfriend at the time, and she said, ‘You’re funny. Why do you go into Raw?’ And I said, ‘Why don’t you mind your own business?’ And then she put me in Raw, so she entered me into Raw, I went and did Raw and failed, miserably. Just horrible. Because what I thought I would do, what I thought Raw was all about, was doing poetry. So I started my very first gig was just four poems that I’d written and I did them on stage and hilariously funny poems but still, not quite standup comedy. I was judged by M. Richards, I don’t know if you know M. Richards, he judged me to be terrible and so from that moment on … it was fantastic, it was a great feeling but I was also heartbroken that no, I didn’t win Raw. Because I expected I was going to win it straight away, that’s how I feel about things most … most things in life I’m like, ‘right, if I don’t smash this within minutes, what’s the point?’

Morry: Of course, just bourbon. Very good, well David it was good to meet you in person during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I also got to see you perform so I got to learn about the David Tulk and the type of humor that he does and we’ll be talking a little bit about your upcoming show which is called No Filter, which is very much about the type of comedy that you do do. But let’s go way back, David, because I think we covered every other topic when I saw you at the festival except how you got into comedy in the first place. So tell me, where were you? What made you do it? When was it?

David: And so it took me about another year because once I’d done that, then I didn’t really know what to do, I didn’t know how to do it or where to do it. So about another year and then an opportunity popped up where someone said, ‘you want to come and do a gig?’ And I was like, ‘sure.’ So I went and did my very first gig and I think that was at a Backpackers in the city and just fell in love with it straight away. I fell in love with the adulation of people because I wouldn’t say I’ve got a massive ego but a lot of people love me a lot so I thought, ‘well, I can deal with this.’ Subsequently, of course, it’s all turned the other way but it was nice while it lasted, that’s what I’m saying, it was really nice when people thought you were young, fresh-faced and enthusiastic about comedy and not just an angry, old man which is what I’ve become.

Morry: Well so 15 years ago you were this lovable … were you the same sort of cuddly shape that you are today?

David: No, no, I was quite a bit thinner back then and I blame, just to set up my last offer, the way I’ve become. And mostly because I’m just a purely a very lazy person just by definition. If I could not do something, I will. So there’s quite a number of jobs here at my house that need to be done but I’m not having that, I’m not doing them and my wife’s got a very long list of things that she would like me to do and I’ve refused. I actually pretend I can’t read it at the moment.

Morry: So you said, under duress, you said I do to the priest or whoever married you and that was the last time you agreed to anything.

David: Well actually, it was weird because the day I got married, I got married in a [00:07:03] anyway doesn’t matter on the beach, I’m not bragging or anything but that’s what happened. And we were driving back to our hotel in Waikiki and my wife said to me, ‘Did you know that I can’t divorce you for a year?’ That was the first conversation we had straight after we were married and I thought about that for a second, I was like, ‘That’s kind of an odd thing to say, isn’t it?’ So 10 years later we’re still married so clearly she forgot about that or something, I don’t know what happened. To be honest with you, I’m a pretty good catch.

Morry: Well, maybe she’s as lazy as you are and the paperwork doesn’t look appealing.

David: No, no she’s not. She’s a real go getter, my wife but she went and got the wrong one, that’s all. But I’m going to stick with her, I’m batting well above my average, I’m going to be honest with you.

Morry: Well things are on the up and up, you’re being interviewed by us so what’s next?

David: This is one of the boxes I was ticking in my comedy career, it was like when is the School of Knock Knocks … is it hard knocks?

Morry: Well there you go, the School of Hard Knock Knocks but you’re that famous that you’re meant to get it wrong to show how good you are.

David: Well no, I didn’t mean to do though, I actually genuinely forgot but just waiting for you guys to ring up because I thought, ‘This’ll be the thing, this’ll be my breakthrough moment after 12-15 years of doing this, break through.’ So I’m just waiting for … I guess the next phone call I’ll get after this goes to air is from some kind of agency who want to take me on.

Morry: Well probably Michael McIntyre wants you to do the Apollo.

David: Well I imagine. I’ve sent a few emails and little or no response at this point but that’s not to say he’s not going to get back to me. I mean, how long does it take to reply to an email? I’m giving him five months. We’re coming up to five months, so that should be enough time.

Morry: Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. But in the meantime, don’t give up your show that you’ve got on July the 12th. I’m just saying that. Good segue, David Tulk Has No Filter, that’s no me insulting you, that’s the name of your show.

David: That is correct, that is the name of the show. It probably sounds as if I’m going to get out there and have a bit of a rant about things and that’s not the case at all, really.

Morry: No?

David: I think there are quite a number of problems in the world and one of them is our inability to say how we feel about things. We’re terrified of what people may think of us and generally, you find if you’re in a group of people and you’re having a private conversation, people will say the most abhorrent things and they always do. Well that’s my group of friends anyways. And so I thought well, why not bring that to the stage? Now I’m not going to be attacking a particular … It’s more about greed and religion and those things that keep us under control by big government, well not big government but government and big business and banks and all this sort of stuff and we don’t shout them down, do we?

David: We should be out in front of Apple picketing, saying pay your taxes so the homeless people can get a house but we don’t do that, do we? We’re too worried about other things that just aren’t important at all. Like why is Donald Trump the president of America? You know why he’s the president of America? Because we’re not Americans and we had no say in it. Although the way you read the social media, you would imagine that it was down to us. We could vote him around but we have nothing to do with it. I don’t know if you know that Morry, but we’re actually not America. We don’t even live in America.

Morry: Well we’re not yet but you did send me your phone digits in almost Morse Code because you were worried about someone seeing them. So whether we’re underneath the NSA or CIA or …

David: Well it’s not so much about that, it’s that I know, for a fact, that these things get picked up. When you put a phone number on the internet it gets picked up and I’ve got a lot of phone calls from a lot of people offering me a lot of really good deals but I’m just not into them. I’ve had about 12 phone calls so far this year asking me if I want to save my power and I’m like, ‘I do but I’ve already got a system in place which is very power-saving, which is I’ve just tooked into the house next door.’

Morry: Yeah. That’s good.

David: If they should ring anybody, they should him because his power bill’s probably through the roof.

Morry: Particularly with your hydroponics.

David: Well he doesn’t know what’s going on. Exactly and that takes a lot of … Between the puppy farming and the hydroponics system that I’ve got running here, I’m using a lot of power.

Morry: Yes, yes.

David: And selling a lot of dogs. Do you need a dog?

Morry: They’re really lethargic dogs, I’ve found though. You’re mixing business, I think. This of course is all satire so if you are listening to this NSA or CIA, we are joking right now.

David: Are we? Okay, sorry, I thought this was … Sorry, carry on.

Morry: So 15 years ago your girlfriend at the time says you’re funny, you should do that. That’s almost a regulation for anyone who does our standup comedy course. We actually don’t want people who aren’t told almost those exact words. If you’re not told you’re funny, then don’t embark on a standup comedy career because I think at least one other person, other then yourself, needs to think you’re funny for you to get up on stage and …

David: That certainly helps, I think. I notice a lot of people that do comedy at the moment, it would appear to me, and I’m no expert of course, it would appear to me that they’re doing it in the interest of trying to become a celebrity. And I think that’s probably not a rich and good plan, there’s no good reason to do this. I think the reason to do this is because you feel as though you have something to say, if feels as though you can say in a funny and insightful way and maybe just change the world. No biggie, no biggie but just change the whole way the world thinks about things.

Morry: Yep, yep. And I guess that’s what we’ll see or hear during your show. Now is it just the one show? July the 12th or do you have a couple of other shows in between?

David: No I’m only doing one. It’s going to be a great show, it’s a really good show. We’ve got Dan Blues Quartet as well and so what we’ll be doing is, and I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s just say there’s going to be some Blues involved in the show as well.

Morry: Okay and we’re not talking punching up on other comedians?

David: No, no, no. We never punch down, mate. We always punch up or across.

Morry: Not hitting a blue.

David: No, okay, I got what you mean, yeah, yeah. But I do hate a lot of people, I just don’t talk about it all the time. No, it’s going to be great, it’s going to be a great show and I’m looking forward to you being there, of course. I would offer you a free ticket but I’m not going to do that, so you’ll have to pay.

Morry: That’s fine. I’m raking it in. Yeah, I’m raking it in.

David: What do you charge for your students?

Morry: More than $15, that’s right. But it’s not about me, it’s about you.

David: Yeah, I understand that, it’s about me trying to work out a way that I can get more money out of you.

Morry: Is that how economics works? We all get money out of each other in the movement and someone pays tax and that’s how economies grow. But that’s not what we’re here for, we’re here for comedy. Now aside from being the center of attention, you also do a fair bit of emceeing across Melbourne as well.

David: I do, yeah.

Morry: Now I’ve got a couple of questions about that. From what I’ve heard from different parts of the world, and we just talked about America so let’s use that, emcees in America tend to be just people that go, ‘Alright and the next comedian is ABC.’ Whereas in Australia and possibly other parts of the world too, we expect the emcee to be as funny as the other acts in the set.

David: I mean a lot of people come up to you after you do an emcee spot and say, ‘You’re pretty funny, you should do comedy.’ Oh okay, fair enough, thank you. But I think really the way that I was emceed and the way I always thought about emceeing is that it’s your job to get the audience in the right place for the other comics and particularly an open mic type of scene. It’s different when you’re doing an emcee gig as a pro gig, you’re not really worried about anyone dying or anything but in an open mic environment, somebody doesn’t go well, they need to pick the audience back up and get them back on track or as I did the other day when I was emceeing a room and I drove it into the ground and made it really super hard for everybody else. So there’s one way, you can do it either way.

David: I chose the wrong path the other day but then the thing was also that there were quite a few comics that I thought were much better then me, so I thought, ‘I’ll make it harder for them because that way I’ll look better.’ I’m not petty, I’m not petty at all, mate, I’m just …

Morry: An arsehole.

David: No I’m practical! Not an arsehole, just practical.

Morry: I was going to use that as a segue because aside from emceeing and having your own shows, you’ve actually started a little bit of a marketing piece. A little bit of a video show and it’s actual;ly called Some People Are Just Arseholes.

David: Yes.

Morry: Now it’s you in the front of the car driving and it’s a red car, that’s all I can tell. And you’ve got a passenger beside you, it’s a lady?

David: Gabe Hogan.

Morry: There we go. And sometimes there’s people in the back as well, there’s a guitarist occasionally pops in and-

David: Yeah, well every now and then, yeah, it’s a crazy … We started doing it so that Gabe Hogan, extraordinary comedian and a friend of mine, we started doing it just because I said to her one day just in passing, I said, ‘You look like that woman Jane Goodall.’ And she said, ‘Who is she?’ And I said, ‘Well she’s the monkey lady.’

Morry: Well, ape.

David: Well monkey, ape, whatever. She thought I meant she looked like an ape and we thought we should record that. So we did that and the rest is history as they say. And we’ve had some really good people do it with us. We’ve had Dave O’Neill do it and we got Hughesy coming up soon, we’ve got Richard [00:17:07] coming up soon, we’ve had some internationals, so we had Rich Wilson do it. We try to do them where we’ll just do a little bit of us and then we’ll have a little special guest in just to boost the ratings up a bit. Because people get bored … to be honest with you, we’re pretty boring people all in all, so if we can get someone else who can think up ideas and we’re happy for that.

David: We’ll do one with you if you want. We don’t mind, if you’ve got enough of an audience.

Morry: Well I’m a nobody but yeah. Probably people don’t even know what I look like because I don’t appear in much of our marketing, so maybe I’ll have to wear a mask or something.

David: Which is a real shame because you are a very attractive man and-

Morry: True.

David: … I don’t mean that in sort of any weird way but you just are a very attractive man and you dress so incredibly … beautifully, gayly? What’s the word I’m looking for? You’re really well dressed and if I was that way inclined, I would be attracted to you but I’m not so, yeah.

Morry: I appreciate it. Look, it’s harder for a straight man to give praise than a gay man, so thank you. That means more, that means more to me. So how many episodes of Some People Are Just Arseholes have you done so far?

David: We’ve done 25, I think?

Morry: That’s great. And for those who just think I’m insulting Dave, what we are actually talking about is a video series on YouTube and Facebook. And the videos are only about two to five minutes long, aren’t they?

David: Two to five minutes, yeah. Yeah, something like that, yeah. We-

Morry: And you’ve gaffer taped the camera to the front of your car, how have you done that?

David: So what we’ve done is we use the iPhone, we just talked about Apple being shit but we use the iPhone because it does a great job of both video and picking up so there’s no extra mics or anything. But it does a super job so we just film it on that, on the front facing camera so we can see ourselves and that’s it. It’s as easy as that so anyone could do it if they had the imagination, skill, time or even want.

Morry: Fair enough.

David: Just put your camera up in your car and jet away. And we started doing it just before Seinfeld started doing Comedians in Cars, or whatever that is. Yeah so I’m pretty sure, I can’t guarantee, but I’m pretty sure that Seinfeld’s ripped me off. Again.

Morry: It wouldn’t be surprising. Didn’t Guns and Roses steal some of the music from Australian Krull for one of their songs?

David: Yeah.

Morry: So look, Americans do it all the time. They think, ‘Oh no one’s going to know this little unknown comedian over in the backwater of Australia, who’s David Tulk?’ And the next thing you know, what’s he know?

David: You’ve got, yeah, that’s it.

Morry: Well let’s move on. So 15 years in the biz, you’ve seen all angles, some of them plumber’s crack angles as well. So you know the good, the bad and the ugly. What is some advice that you’d give because the people that listen to this Podcast, they’re newcomers to comedy, they’re early days, maybe they’re doing open mics but maybe they haven’t even embarked on that journey yet, but they’re thinking, ‘Aw, I reckon I could do it.’ So what advice would you give to newcomers?

David: Being prepared to do a lot of crying. And be prepared for having an amazing amount of self reflection, when you get up there and you think, ‘I’m going to make those people laugh,’ and they stare at you rather than laugh at you, you go, ‘oh maybe that’s not gone as well as I’d hoped.’ I would suggest to people that whenever you’re doing comedy, try and punch up, not down and back your comedy up with facts. If you’re going to say something and it’s going to be provocative, then make sure that you’re right. At least right, it doesn’t mean the content or it doesn’t mean the joke’s going to fall where it should but provided you haven’t said anything that’s an outright lie, then you’re pretty safe.

David: Particularly if you want to do that kind of, it depends what kind of comedy you want to do too, I suppose. But I will say one thing would help if you whack on a fair bit of weight, that’s quite good because fat people are funny. So if they’re skinny, I’d get down to Macca’s straight away and just get into it.

Morry: A beard helps.

David: Well, yeah, beards, facial hair. Obviously that’s a thing that maybe women don’t want to do that as much as men do and everything but I think it will help anybody so if you can have facial hair, just do it. Let’s think back to the days of Barnum and Bailey, the bearded lady, she got a lot of attention so why not?

Morry: She did.

David: I would say, yeah, being prepared to die a lot. That’s going to be part of your journey is to not have great gigs. I mean some people are just natural born comedians, I’m not saying that that is me but I’m not saying it’s not either, but other people have to work at it.

Morry: And when did you know that you had it? So you started 15 years ago but I’m assuming while you got the itch early on, how did you know you had the ability?

David: Well because people always laughed at me. Every time I would have a conversation with people I would find myself driving it towards the humorous side. It didn’t matter what the conversation was about-

Morry: But what about on stage? That’s off stage but what about on stage? How did you know, wow!, that clicked, everyone got that.

David: When they laughed, I think that’s the biggest thing that you go, oh!

Morry: That’s a good indicator.

David: Yeah. That’s probably the best one I would go with. If you say something and they laugh, there’s a fair chance it was funny. If they don’t laugh, you’ve probably made a tragic mistake in your process. I would say that … I worked for the opera for a long time as an actor in the opera, whatever, not important, played the Sydney Opera House, probably 500 times and I would go out on stage and do my little bits and piece for the opera because I’m not a singer but I would often get a laugh that wasn’t supposed to be there. So then I realized it was pretty to manipulate an audience to get them to do what you want them to do.

Morry: Hang on, hang on. You’re playing to an audience but you’re not singing, what were you doing? Screwing in light bulbs?

David: Actually that was one of the things I did in [00:23:23], I did screw in a light bulb believe it or not. No because I was a stealthy man back in those days, it was 15 years ago, 16 years ago that I was doing that, I was a much stealthy human and so I was actually acting and dancing, believe it or not. I was a paid dancer. Anyway, it’s a long story from there to here but then I realized, of course, I was actually quite beautiful back then and I realized that being beautiful doesn’t help your comedy career, being fat does. So that’s where I made that link. I was like, ‘Okay, just get fat because John Candy, he’s funny, isn’t he? People like him, yeah? And other fat comedians as well, they like them.’ And I thought, ‘well that’s the way for me.’

Morry: Although Steve Martin might disagree.

David: Yeah UI know but he’s got other talents. He can play the banjo, I can’t do that. I didn’t want people to see me and think, ‘he’s just gorgeous,’ and they can’t get past that. I’m sure that happens to you all the time. You can see they’re listening to you but they’re not paying attention. They’re looking at you going, ‘Just a beautiful human, that’s like a work of art.’ And I thought, ‘I can’t have that because that’s going to make it so much harder. So if I can let myself go, I’ll be fine.’ And so I did and to be honest with you, it really looks like it’s paid off. Apart from the health issues but aside from that, it’s fine.

Morry: The drinking, the smoking, the weight, the cholesterol, all of those but sacrifices one has to make to be a true artist.

David: Well you need to do that in order to have a lot of love, yeah.

Morry: People are wondering, ‘But how funny is he?’ And at the beginning of this interview, I played a small snippet of your comedy. But here’s a bit of a challenge now, we’ve started … it’s very early in it’s tradition and what we do is we get the previous interviewee to give us a word in which you have to embed that word in a joke in some form. It doesn’t have to be the focus of the joke but it does have to be-

David: You know what though, that sounds so very zen to me. It’s so very zen.

Morry: It’s almost like I told you the word ahead of time! And it’s the word, folks, zen is the word. Z E N. In the zen. A little bit, I didn’t give you much time to think about it, have you got any joke?

David: No.

Morry: You’ve got nothing?

David: No to be honest with you, you said it to me two minutes before we were about to do this and so I thought, ‘If anything, that’s quite zen in what you’ve done there.’ Let’s test this guy and see how good he is. I’m not that good, Morry, to be honest. All I could think about was, no all I thought was, ‘if that was the word for me, then it’s appropriate.’ Not only is it simply appropriate because it’s a Buddhist word and if any of the deities the best ones, it’s a fat one. Again, coming back to that. So I think well, if anything I am the zen of comedy because I am fat like Buddha.

Morry: You are. I want to rub your tummy.

David: Yes and you tried to the other night and that was weird. So please don’t do that again.

Morry: I drank too much, I apologize. It was not my finest moment. Well not a bad attempt, you certainly made it humorous and kept the humor in the story. Well you get to pay it forward to the next sucker, I mean the next interviewee, we don’t know who that’s going to be. I’m not going to tell you who that is so that you don’t, you know.

David: Show’s not loaded.

Morry: Yeah it’s not loaded. So what word are you going to give to the next comedian that I interview?

David: I think the word I would like to give to them, because it’s a personal one, is fountain pen. Seems like…

Morry: Fountain pen. A good, traditional …

David: Two words, isn’t it really?

Morry: Ah that’s good enough. Yeah, it’s a type of pen. Fountain pen. Easy. Easy.

David: Fountain pen, yeah.

Morry: Well not easy, it’s quite difficult.

David: Only because that’s one thing I think that your students should know is that if you’re writing comedy, okay? I like to write comedy, I’m very analog, I don’t like to do it on the computer, mostly because I can’t actually type but the second of that first part is if you write it down in an analog fashion, you tend to remember it better. Because you’ve actually put it in your hand. And also if you’re going to write, why not write? Why not actually just write? Because it’s quite a beautiful thing to do. That’s why I use a lot of fountain pens. I’ve already done the joke now. No I haven’t.

Morry: Well it’s not funny yet but.

David: I use fountain pens all the time. No I didn’t say it was going to be funny do I? Nothing has been so far.

Morry: That’s the context for the next person and it makes perfect sense. We’ll see how creative they can be. Again it doesn’t have to be the focus of the joke but the word has to appear in the joke in some form. And just for reference David, this is very early in the tradition, I think we’re up to number four of the comedians who’ve done this, so you’ve done well. Now my last questions is what’s before you aside from obviously David Tulk Has No Filter at the Exford Hotel which is in Melbourne, which is on Russel and was it [00:28:44]?

David: Littlebourke.

Morry: Littlebourke, my mistake. Chinatown. Right up there. What else have you got on?

David: Got lots of stuff happening. I’m going to be on television quite soon, not a big brag but I’m bragging all the same. I did a little show with a really good mate of mine called Dave O’Neill, don’t think you’ve ever heard of him, so anyway he’s a good mate. And he put together this little show called Dave. So what’s happened is he needed again, and this is where it paid off, he needed somebody that was overweight to be one of the sins and guess what? I got that role because he’s quite fat too and-

Morry: Makes him look thinner.

David: … So anyway, yeah, I’m in that scene where I’m being, anyway you should watch it, it’s on Channel 10 in July, I think.

Morry: Beautiful. That’s amazing.

David: So I think what they’re doing is like a preview week or whatever they call those things where they pick the one afterwards?

Morry: Okay. No idea what that sentence means.

David: You know when they show one episode of different things and they go to people, ‘Which one do you want to watch more of?’ And then they go, ‘Oh, the Dave O’Neill one,’ and then they produce the rest of it so that’s what’s happening.

Morry: Oh like a sizzle reel, perhaps. They call it a sizzle reel?

David: Yeah. I don’t know what they call them. I don’t know. Anyway so I’ll be doing that and then once I’ve done that, obviously, I’ll feel as though between this interview and that, I won’t have to do anything else. I think I’ll be. I do a lot of touring too, which is a lot of fun, I suggest that everyone does that in their comedy career because what that does for you is you can see whether or not your jokes work outside of Melbourne or outside of Australia or wherever. And that’s a good idea.

David: Actually I think what people should really try and make their jokes as universal as possible. Talking about being on the 86 Tram is all good when you’re in Melbourne but it doesn’t really translate very well when you’re in Sydney, say. Because they’re angry at it anyway, they got rid of their tram. Now they’ve got them back, it’s crazy.

Morry: They have one. I was in Adelaide for the Fringe Festival and I saw a lot of tram tracks and I saw some tram stops but I never saw a tram.

David: Yep. They do exactly the same thing, when I was in Edinburgh doing the Edinburgh Comedy Festival over there, five star review, whatever. Anyway, so they had done the same thing, they’d do the tram tracks but not trams. And I said to them, ‘We’re very similar here in Melbourne, Melbourne’s very similar to you guys but the fact we actually put trams on the tracks but bold effort you’ve done there. Bloody great effort.’ The thing is too, and I think the thing that they liked about it, is they ran out of money. I think that’s what happened, they ran out of money and they thought, ‘well why not just leave the tram tracks there, at least you can follow the tram tracks home.’ Sort of like a GPS Thing.

Morry: Good landmark.

David: Well they weren’t, you couldn’t cross the street because the tram tracks. They had them all barricaded off just in case people fell in them. But I think it was very Scottish of them, I think they started doing the work and just went off to lunch, got pissed and never came back. I think that’s how it went down, yeah.

Morry: Huh, well okay, I apologise to all our Scottish listeners now. That was David Tulk. Very good.

David: Yeah, by the the way you can buy T-shirts on my website as well.

Morry: Oh you can? . You’re pretty active, I love your David Hulk or Tulk the Hulk. It looks like The Incredible Hulk but it’s you.

David: Yeah, the Hulk one, yeah.

Morry: You played up your name very, very well.

David: Yeah, well a lot of people said to me I should’ve done a show called The Incredible Tulk and I said, ‘well I would but the problem with that is that you’ve got to be incredible. So it would be bad marketing.’ If I was just amazing and not incredible, you know? So I’d have to call it The Amazing Tulk and I’ve just thought it’s too hard because I don’t want to lie to people. My previous show this was called Adequate Tulk, which didn’t sell as many tickets as I’d hoped but you know.

Morry: Not Incredible, just Credible? Well thank you very much David, it’s been a pleasure to talk to you in the daytime for starters. And have somewhat…

David: Sober, which is nice. Well you are…

Morry: And somewhat of a normal conversation there as well. I think we’re very good. Well Dave, thanks very much for your time today and good luck with that show. With that David Tulk Has No Filter on July the 12th at the Exford, only $15, even I can afford that.

David: That’s all it is. Yeah. Tell you what you could do, you could buy gifts for people of tickets. Think about that anyway.

Morry: You could and of course you’re going to be on TV in July as well. So those tickets are possibly going to be, the actual stub, is going to be worth something.

David: Will be, I’d imagine so. I’d be holding onto that, put it on Ebay later on. If they want to, I could sign it for them too. I mean, I ask that every gig I go to and not many people get me to sign anything but at least I always ask.

Morry: What about your wife with the prenup?

David: She refused to sign that. Only because she’s got more stuff then I have. That’s the other thing too about being a comic, I think people would want to know, is that be prepared for poverty. That’s a really important part of the comic life is poverty. Because you’re either Dave Hughes or you’re us. Good mate of mine anyway, Dave is, he rang me accidentally today. Accidentally. He rang me up and said, ‘Oh I’ve called you by accident Tulky,’ and I was like, ‘thanks,’ and just hung up.

Morry: Oh well there you go. But that means you’re in the speed dial so that means you’re somebody.

David: Yeah, well something’s happened and I’m not happy about it to be honest with you. I was in the shops and the phone’s ringing and it says Dave Hughes and I’m holding it up so people could see it but nobody really cared.

Morry: He didn’t care. Did you keep the conversation going for about a minute afterwards just to give the impression?

David: I just said, I was looking for socks with my wife, and I said, ‘Oh honey, that’s Dave Hughes on the phone. Do I want to talk to him?’ And she said, ‘well probably, he’s ringing you’ and I said, ‘oh okay cool.’ So I just answered the phone call for Dave Hughes was it?’ I’m not a name dropper or anything like that but I felt as though it was important for people to know that I wasn’t just any sock buyer. I was sort of a special sock buyer. And didn’t end up buying socks anyway because they didn’t have the ones I wanted. You know how hard it is Morry, to find and you’ll understand this, it’s very hard to find quality colored socks. Have you found that?

Morry: I don’t but that’s a call out to anyone who’s listening. If you have a sock business or a pair of spare pink socks, David Tulk would like them. I’m sure you can find him or give it to you in person on that date again, July the 12th. But thanks mate, have a good one.

David: Thank you so much, bye.

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